And, Baby, We'll Put the Lonesome on the Shelf

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l36CW8MUc0Y&feature=related

Don't you worry there, my honey.
We may not have any money,
But we've got our love to pay the bills.

Maybe I think you're cute and funny.
Maybe I wanna do what bunnies do with you.
If you know what I mean.

...

You might be a bit confused
And you might be a little bit bruised,
But, baby, how we spoon like no one else.

If my current state of affairs needed summed up, this would do the romantic bit justice, I believe.  Closest a song has every come to saying exactly what I mean.  Hopefully one of these days I can develop enough musical talent to play that strumming pattern and sing all at once so I can sing it to him just like she sang it.

-rawr

We Gotta Get Used To It

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qtwlBO6B1Ls

"It's time to go outside.

I'm gonna be sick for a while.

It's gonna be quite some time.

If that's what we never had,"

Learning already that things take time, but even the little nibbling that time does on your toes can help.  I'll be sick about this for a while, but I've gotta get used to it.  At least the truth is out and there's been an apology.  Now it's all a healing process.  Thank god there are a few pleasantries on my side with a new sewing machine and some pretty unexpected support.

Regardless, it's eerily clear that hope is a pretty dangerous crutch, but we'll learn to walk on our own again.  Maybe later rather than sooner.  At least we've got each other now.  Just a few people with a powerful new perspective and shifted priorities.  We'll be going for a walk because it's time to go outside.

-rawr

Who Are You?

You know that moment during the climax of a film when everything you've just seen changes because of a big reveal?  That point when a new perspective is introduced and there are flashbacks to different scenes that you can now interpret with "the whole story"..well real life isn't like that, but aha moments can really seem that way. How shocking could it be to discover one lie?  Enough to change a whole plot?

It certainly feels that way.  There's no trust here.  It's as if years and years and years of this relationship were ingenuine.  How many times was I lied to and what about?  How could I have not known about this double life and which one is the real you?  Or is there really only one?  Which one are you?  Who are you?

If You Can't Hang Then There's the Door, Baby.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_UwWYtLWEZg

"Met a girl at seventeen.
And she meant the world to me
So I gave her everything.
She turned out to be a cheat."

Harsh words and a rehash of a new favorite band, but it seems eerily appropriate.  This is the sort of hush hush business that makes me admit that a private diary would be beneficial, but I seem to lose them or they get deleted. Regardless, this information will be public soon enough.  Some pretty influential people in my life are on the rocks.  It's been years in the making so the surprised tears that I startled my roommate and poor snuggle muffin with yesterday night seem rather unwarranted.

As much as I've been rooting for their separation on multiple occasions, it's pretty uncomfortable knowing that it's come down to infidelity.  There were so many other occasions for someone to leave, but instead, there were some dishonest emails and a pretty ineffective cover-up and now one of them is out of the house and out of a job.  Prayers may be necessary if that's your belief. Hasn't been mine for quite some time, but perhaps some habits need changing...

-rawr

You, Marshmallow, You!

Stressor of the day: worry of being comparable/adequate.  I've seen a certain pair of pelvic bones and several defined muscles on the regular recently, and the more I get to run my fingers along them, the more I realize that I don't see much of that ever-so appealing, trim, touch-me fitness on myself.  Dating up is a pretty dangerous endeavor.  So I say to myself, "I'll buy a bike."  Pray with me that a metal frame and some cogs and wheels will spur my feelings passed this awkward awareness to action.

Ah..well. I suppose that little orphan Annie said it best, "Tomorrow, tomorrow. I love ya, tomorrow. You're only a day away." Hopefully this current rendition of the all-too-familiar procrastination theme will stop replaying this next Thursday (I don't dare call it its colloquial counterpart).  Again, let's pray that a new bicycle is the answer...And maybe a salad.  I'd rather not think of how far downhill I could bounce if I should let this sickly, out-of-shape, low self esteem-edness derail me.  Would rather not admit how badly it could effect as a good a coupling as this newest one..  Wish me luck!

-rawr

Will This Strength Still Be Mine?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=fvwp&NR=1&v=nZQmFClnuOM

"I want to know your fear.
From your feet to the back of your ears.
When they raise the landing gear,
Will your heart stay here?"

It's that time of year again.  Perhaps time of the quarter..Time for that special burst of motivation. I'm in the middle of a veritable take off at the moment.  My toes are still touching the ground, but regardless, discovery hour yesterday excited me an exceptional amount and may have revived a long banished dream of pursuing primatology.  Cross your fingers that I'll be at a zoo or sanctuary by the end of this calendar year, kids!

So what reason could I have to be on tippy toes instead of in the air? You may have guessed..the fellow friend that I may have to leave behind.  Solutions have been racing through my speedy, motivated brain, but nothing seems to have any logic to it.  At the end of the day, he'll be signed up for college courses this fall, and if I have any luck, I'll be absolutely anywhere else. Sadly, I'd known to avoid this, but how could I have guessed that a raspy hangover kiss and Subway sandwiches would escalate? God damned orangutans had better be worth the probable what-ifs..

그댄 내게 과분한 존재

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRJ4IzpfVUs

"Don't be shy anymore.  You're already my girl.
Even if it's not clear, it's that way to me."

It would be pretty unfortunate if I were off base with this.  Of course, this is an area of survival that I've mastered, but the disappointment would pose a special challenge.  I don't suppose that there's a reason to get my hopes up, but here we are. Regardless, as far as I'm concerned, I'm a one-man lady and cross your fingers that it's for a one-lady man.

With or without a title, the roughest parts are leaving in the morning and drifting off at night.  Not much to be said of my romantic nature, but there are a few moments that I wish I could stay in.  Foolish or otherwise, I'd hate to say goodbye and miss something. Baby, goodnight.

-rawr